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We Are Family

April 21, 2015

My daughter came back from  school looking a bit confused.  Although I was in the middle of a day dream about a beautiful Chanel purse that  I saw in the mall today,  I was determined to find out what it was that she quite didn’t manage to figure out.  After all, the child is a genius (she takes after her father).
She starts telling me about her after school adventures.  She met a boy today. (Oh no, she is only 8 years old!) Her new friend showed her his photo album. There was a picture of his dog (I hope she won’t ask me to get one). And a picture of his room (he doesn’t share a room with his siblings). And a picture of his new red extra cool bike (I can’t compete with THAT).  And a picture of his dad (ok babe, you also got one!).  And hid other dad. Is this the part where I get to explain about gay surrogacy?  Or perhaps I should explain first how babies come to the world?  The birds and the bees, yes, not so difficult to explain, but two male birds having a baby bird?  How does that happen?
It got me thinking. A long long time ago this is how it worked:  a guy and a girl would go out, date each other for a short, or a long period of time, have a big (or small) wedding, most likely buy a house, and start a family.  You know, a mom, a dad, two or three kids.  A family.  And it was like that for a long time.  In a lot of places.  All around the world.  So in the case that you were single, most likely you wouldn’t have what was known to all as a family.  You would be single, meaning not have a husband, and in the absence of a husband, or a spouse, you will most likely not have any children.  As for guys who were gay, in the case that they lived together (married or not) they couldn’t possibly have any children.  Physically, I mean.  It’s just not possible.  Really.  A pregnancy of a man, well, that’s just non existent.  I am not familiar with adoption laws, so not sure if that was an option or not.  In the past few years, not over two decades ago, there was a creative way for a gay couple to have a child – to combine their family with a woman, one who is interested in having a child, but hasn’t found the right man, and is not interested in a sperm donation that would result in having no father in the child’s life.  But this means that the (gay) couple necessarily would need to add another person into this equation. This equation of the family they always dreamed of.
In recent years, gay couples have other options!  First of all, they can get married.  Well, it’s about time, in 2015, two people who love each, get married.  Not all around the world, but hey, it’s a start!  And if they choose to start a family, they can look at their options, yes, options.  Through surrogacy they can ‘plant’ their sperm and the egg donor’s egg in the surrogate mother’s womb, and nine months later – the baby (bird) is born.  Believe me, much easier than my two pregnancies (-:
‘Well’?  my 8 year old demanded, just about done to be waiting patiently for an answer.
‘It’s kind of like a miracle’ I choose my words, slowly (and possibly wisely).  ‘A bit like making dough.  You mix all the ingredients, carefully place it in the oven, and it transforms into bread’.
She looked at me like I was in desperate need of a brain.
‘Actually Ben, my new friend, explained it to me.  He said that one of the fathers asked for the help of two lovely mommies to help him make the dough and place it in one of the mommy’s tummy for 9 months, and after that he was born, filling the hearts of 2 mommies and 2 daddies with love and joy.’
‘Yes!  That’s exactly it!’ I said.
And it got me thinking, how things that were simply not possible in the past, like a gay couple having a family of their own,  have turned into an actual option for those who can simply physically not able to have kids of their own.  Quite amazing.
And that got me thinking more. About impossible becoming possible.
Perhaps one day the impossible Chanel purse that is now a dream will one day turn into reality.  At this point, I must add, surrogacy seems a hell of a lot easier to achieve than a Chanel bag!